My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
