I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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