Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
