the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
His nipple licking is glorious
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