fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
When are your genitals available?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
