the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize
