Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
