i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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