I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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