Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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