His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
