You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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