so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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