...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
