I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
