obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
