I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Holy sore nipples Batman
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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