His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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