sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
