I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
