Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
