At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
zippers are such a cool invention
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
