she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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