someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
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