Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
