i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
