I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
