do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
