hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
