You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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