I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
