Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
