she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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