Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
