I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
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