Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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