i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
