Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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