Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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