Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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