i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
