I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
