I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
