East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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