I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
