I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
