I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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