So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
