exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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