Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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